How dare you categorize women into types!
But that’s what we do as human beings, ha! No, I get it, you’re right…everyone’s unique and different and all…but generally, certain patterns reappear around you, and you can’t help but notice them.
Women: I love them. Empathetic, polite, most of them, most of the time. Always eager to please and be at other people’s service. Sociable. Helpful. Though, if one’s silently judgmental, no one would ever find out.
Friends: Everyone’s doomed to die in the end, so why can’t we all just get along?
Try asking these women that!
#1 Women who have internalized sexism
…against women (because yep, men are also being discriminated against in some ways). Internalized sexism is simply when women start thinking about what it means to be a woman the way a man who hates women would. Another definition of internalized sexism is “the tendency of some women to regularly put down, make disparaging remarks about, and/or sabotage their own or other women’s and girls’ identity, potential, and success”.
To women who internalize sexism, nothing will ever be enough for a woman to deserve what she wants.
Want this great job? You’re too young and inexperienced. You must be very busy with your children.
Want this man or woman? You’re too unattractive and boring.
Want to be beautiful? You’ll never be.
Want a peace of mind? You’re too weak for that. Or, you have too many sins for that.
Want to be a good girl? Everyone knows you’re not pure.
Whatever it is, they’ll always think you’re not cut out for that great thing you want, and it shows in their behavior.
#2 Women whose souls and goals are looks-centered
…because all ladies care about how they look, no? Sure, whatever. The point is that there’s a difference, though, between caring about how you look, being upset about it even— and appraising your entire life as one whose end goal is to be invincibly physically attractive. Quite a lot of women fall into this group of people who don’t consciously realize that they judge themselves for how they look— and we all know how being unconscious about how our pain is dangerous. Women who are unconscious about their beauty pain (or beauty sickness, as Dr. Renee Engeln calls it) interpret others and life itself through the lens of their beauty pain. Virtually not a single woman is ever immune from beauty pain, but here’s the thing— women who are not willing to admit that she’s obsessed with looks and that to her, there’s a very narrow definition of what constitutes good looks—will continue to act like nothing’s wrong but in truth, her daily life consists of picking apart other women, bringing them down. And bringing other women down doesn’t have to involve a super mean comment…what’s toxic and happens daily is the decision many women make to have a conversation about physical appearances. Although “she’s not even pretty!” sounds terrible, “she looks so pretty!” is just as degrading because as Naomi Wolf suggests, beauty is feminism’s last fight that doesn’t seem to be winnable. In short, these women tend to use language (including non-verbal language) to communicate about women in a way that tells everyone that the only things that should matter to women are their faces and bodies, and I do not want to be friends with these women.
Don’t be surprised to hear these women make the same kinds of looks-based comments routinely and don’t be surprised that these women never ever talk about other things women do besides looks.
Sometimes I’m that woman who’s obsessed with looks, or the idea of it. And boy, I find it hard to be friends with myself during those times.
Luckily, all we need to do is pay attention to this crazy aspect of our brains and admit the beauty pain that’s in all of us, threatening to affect the way we interpret ourselves, our relationships, and our life purpose.
#3 Women who patronize other women
…to feel better about themselves. These women appear to be optimistic but they are constantly critical of other women, in subtle ways. They might make comments about other women’s choices when it comes to clothing in a reprimanding manner. They might squint their eyes and speak in a high-pitched tone when interacting with someone who doesn’t quite conform to patriarchy’s idea of womanhood (or their idea of patriarchy’s idea of womanhood, ha!). And they make it clear to you that you’re hard to stand and tolerate, and that you’d better be grateful that they’re talking to you.
Don’t be surprised if these women talk about you behind your back. You’re just never going to be good enough and okay for them. They‘re the kind of women who don’t stop to wonder if they’re the ones starting external wars based on internal wars.
External wars started by women aren’t obvious. That’s the reason it’s hard to detect and hard to put an end to (also known as “emotional” or “instrumental” aggression). And that’s the reason women who patronize other women are hard to be friends with.
#4 Women who unconsciously use you as their object of cathexis (psychoanalysis)
In simpler terms, these are women who have something against you and you can’t quite figure out why. There’s no good reason for the way they behave towards you. They sulk, speak in harsh tones, don’t look you in the eye, and are all-the-round rejecting. They may be critical or simply avoid you altogether but they always make you feel you’re worthless without admitting that they do.
Don’t be surprised if these women single you out as their special object to project all their pain onto. Sometimes this pain is beauty pain— that they’ll never be good enough, in terms of their looks.
#5 Women who reject their sexuality
I’m not saying women should think of themselves as sexual objects, start flirting around and go around unconsciously trying to flaunt their sexual prowess like men try to do. God no. That’s like, a fatal preoccupation…
But when women reject their sexual selves and even worse, without admitting that they actually resent sexuality, they risk a few things.
Most of all, they risk being highly judgmental about their natural feelings regarding sex, which obviously only leads them to feel terrible about who they are. Moreover, they will undoubtedly have a thing against women who embrace positive sexuality.
Women who embrace positive sexuality are more likely to have a better grip on their mental health, overall well-being, sexual satisfaction, and sexual self-esteem; and are simply not sexually repressed. These women also tend to appear carefree, and sexually repressed women dislike carefree women.
#6 Women who constantly feel threatened by other women
…and do not realize that they are. The result is that these women are passive-aggressive and rude towards the women they view as intimidating. What’s too bad though, is that to these women, the other women are the problem, not their secret, most-of-the-time-withheld feelings of not being as great as these other women.
Conclusion
Now, of course, women are human beings with unique life experiences, which means they’re the way they are because of things that, most likely, have happened to them (oppression and other tough shit)— which means that as hard as it is to be friends with these types of women, these women still deserve friends.
Plus, it’s possible to learn and unlearn things if they decide to, and the first step is to realize they’ve got some issues.
